but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
