Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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