AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
please come you make the beer taste better
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I cut my penus on the lid.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
