Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
