I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
