YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
