It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
