There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
