I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
