just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
