OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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