dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
