Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
