The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
