I just made out with a guy for $7.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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