Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
