I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
