...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
