dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
