So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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