I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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