I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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