Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
