alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Found your dick twin last night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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