Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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