You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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