btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
