I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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