mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
