ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Randomize
