Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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