when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
