So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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