the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
