are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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