Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
