Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
