okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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