My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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