I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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