planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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