i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
