my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
