Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
