OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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