Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
