I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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