I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
