Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
