Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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